Amy Robach, T.J. Holmes recount feeling suicidal amid relationship scandal

In their new podcast Amy & T.J., broadcast journalists Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes detailed the emotional turmoil they experienced after their workplace romance became public last year.

While proud of their hard-fought relationship, both acknowledged mental health struggles in the scandal’s aftermath.

Robach recounted an incident where she feared for Holmes’ life after receiving distressing texts from him referring to their relationship in the past tense.

“I start to panic,” she recalled. “I was so afraid that he had done something.”

When Holmes didn’t respond to her check-ins, Robach panicked and had her father accompany her to his apartment.

There, she found Holmes incoherent on his bed. This terrifying experience revealed how profoundly vulnerable both felt during intense public scrutiny.

“I remember going down the hall, opening the door, and my dad came in with me. And I saw you and you were just splayed out on your bed,” continued Robach. “I ran to you. I said, ‘T.J.!’ and you didn’t move. And I remember, it was the most awful thing, having to touch your body to see if you were warm. I was so afraid. You were just incoherent.”

Speaking poignantly about wanting to die amid cruel headlines, Robach shed light on her private depths of despair. She shared that last year was even harder than her battle with cancer.

“You go through cancer, and, yes, you’re afraid to die, but you’re fighting to live,” she recalled.

“And you’ve got all these people around you, supporting you and cheering you on, and you feel this collective hug from people who are lifting you up when you’re scared and you’re going through all of these treatments. But this year, I wanted to die. There were days where I wanted to die and that was something I’d never experienced before in my life. I just didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to see what new headline was going to be out there.”